Monday, May 14, 2018

Cusp of Change

For the past two years, I have been in college mode. Now it is over. What do I do? 
I haven't written a blog post in over a year. Right now I am debating if I want to star this again. Most of the bloggers and readers I knew before have gone on to do their own things as well. So do I pick up where I left off, do I re-brand and start over, or do I just let this die a natural online death?
At this moment I am going to use it.
This blog was always a way of taking my focus from the mundane or the general crap of my life. 
Today I will use it to clear my mind.

I have finished school (at least unless I eventually decide to get a Masters).
Two years of non-stop work. So many essays, peer-reviewed articles, video lectures... and now it is over. 
And it is bloody anticlimactic.
I don't know what I was expecting. I didn't go to graduation and maybe that is a part of this feeling of discontent.
But I just feel let down and lost.

There is also the feeling of fear and dread coursing through my veins. I have some major life decisions I will have to make soon. I am on the cusp of change and I hate it.
Some people would look at this as an adventure or the natural progression of life.
These people are not fuck-ups like me.
Really, I cannot think of one major life decision that I have made that did not impact me negatively. My track record is bad...very bad.
Yet, choices will have to be made. My only hope is that once I realize how badly I mess up, I'll be able to fix things to a tolerable level. 

And now for this blog.
I loved that I used this blog as a reason to bake or cook interesting things. I like that it gave me a place to discuss books, TV, and films.
So perhaps until I know for certain what I want to do (revamp it maybe, or start over), I'll try posting again once a week.
Everyone needs a creative outlet 

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